February 7, 2006

Let me tell you what happens when I over-extend myself. When it’s to the point of actual exhaustion, it’s easy, I fall into a confused sleep and get better. However, when I am working and it’s the middle of the day, and there is no couch available, I get mental rebellion. I start asking myself questions like “are we just blobs of stuff that dream primitively about base future desires and perceive the present haphazardly?” “Do our dim senses only slowly give us lame, less than real time input to a brain that remembers only a fraction of what happens to it in a sad misguided way?” “Is life a bumble?” “Are the best of us the ones who screw up the least?” “Worse yet, are the people who live the best lives separated from those who live the worst only by the amount of daily pain they endure?”This is grounded in reality. I’ve been thinking lately about experiments that show that we decide to do things before the conscious mind is involved. I’ve also been thinking about the input rate of the eyes and ears to the brain (ears get info there much faster). So my brain keeps asking questions: “Is human achievement much different from ant achievement from a deep time view?” “Is it fair to the ants, since they never had bombs?”This is what happens when I let complexity mess with fun. This is what happens when I have outgrown the pure capacity to experience joy and muddle it up with complex thoughts that are really holes in that joy. Pure fun and pure joy are not impeded by a worldview. I have to believe that pure fun is innocent and consuming and is best undiluted. It is a gift that is best embraced without guilt or reserve.And pure fun is clearly what I need right now. And maybe some sleep.



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