Archive for the 'humor' Category

The puppy and the slipper.

April 12, 2009

What’s this?

It’s Daddy’s slipper!

Daddy has bought me a dozen colorful chew toys, but nothing tastes better than his slippers. However, Daddy would prefer that I not chew his slippers.

What? It’s my nature!

Laptop Convertible.

November 30, 2008

As with a lot of ideas I have with video, this one sat in my brain for a few months.  Additionally, I had a few surprises.  Sometimes when I plan a project, what happens in reality is exactly what happened in my head.  In this project, that could not be further from the case.  I think that adds drama to the video.  It certainly created some consternation for me!  But I also got to learn an entirely new skill set in the process, so it was all good.

For your entertainment, I present Laptop Convertible:

Bird Poop Facial.

June 29, 2008

I saw this at PodCampOhio.

Twitter Nodes.

April 12, 2008

Last night, I had a video of David Allen running, I was reading blogs on blog mad and blog explosion and I was reading what people were saying on Twitter.  So I had audio input (I wasn’t really watching the video) new blog material from a variety of sources that I would not ordinarily read and the latest micro-blogging from people across the world.

Twitter is sort of like reality TV except that it’s real time.  Jaffejuice said that “Twitter is like a police scanner except you can talk to the police.”  I like that except we’re all the police.  I think it’s more like the Borg from Star Trek.  It gives you the latest information; the latest sensory input from organic nodes throughout civilization.  It is like a human botnet whose job it is to report what is happening at the moment.

Of course there is a lot of noise.  There are a lot of people talking about a lot of things in which I have no interest.  That’s why I was listening to Mr. Allen and reading blogs.  The combination of activity was far better than television or movie watching.  It was even better than playing a videogame.  It satisfied my relentless desire for new material.

I’ve written in the past how we are all nodes.  We get more connected every day.  But not all of us speak the same language and not all of us have the same interests.  Some of us are, sadly, quite annoying.  And when a node annoys me, I unfollow it.  I’ve done this three times so far and by the count of followers that I have, some people have unfollowed me as well.  This does not surprise me in the least.  I am an acquired taste.  Take this blog for example, while there are a fair amount of readers, I will never be Robert Scoble.  And that’s fine.

“We can’t go on together…”

March 7, 2008

People were making fun of Priscilla Presley the other day. They said that her plastic surgery made her look bad. I don’t know. I looked at some pictures online and she looks the same as she always has to me. Then people were picking on her daughter, Lisa Marie. I guess she’s pregnant. People were calling her fat. People can be so cruel.

I finished watching “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” this evening. I really enjoyed this series. Hollywood scuttlebutt indicates that the series will be renewed in the fall. I cannot tell you how much I hope that this is so. There was a show on afterwards advertised during the commercials (that I mostly fast forwarded through). It was a show about a detective who had been alive for 400 years. I guess it’s kind of a Dorian Gray sort of thing. Although in this case there’s no portrait, from the previews it looks like he got his immortality from Mystic Indians. Ah yes, the Mystic Indian plot device. It is not so commonly used as falling down an elevator shaft or amnesia, but it is used.

I don’t really have many memories of Elvis Presley. I remember my neighbors really loved him. I’ve known people throughout my life who collected Elvis memorabilia. Some people truly revere him as the King. We used to joke in college, that in 3000 years people would worship him like a prophet. We really don’t have to wait 3000 years do we?

“This is the nerd equivalent of being a cat lady.”

July 7, 2007

Normally I don’t blog about blogs, much less blog about comments left on blogs.  This, however, is a special exception.  Kotaku, the source of all information that is gaming, reported on a couple who have 46 World of Warcraft accounts, 47 PCs and manage 23 WoW accounts between them.  They have a side by side rig with two Lazyboy chairs and 7 monitors.

One can just imagine what their waking hours are like:  16 hours a day of non-stop WoW interrupted only by food and adult diaper changing breaks probably only done once a day to maximize efficiency.  Even hardcore geeks are amazed, leading one commenter, Nikolii to quip brilliantly:  “This is the nerd equivalent of being a cat lady.”

I want to know more.  I want to see them play.  I want to know how they can afford this kind of lifestyle.  I want to see these people!  Mainstream press should pick up on this story!

Of course the mainstream might wonder why they do this.  I know the answer to this, because it’s fun, in a really, really obsessive way.  And I can relate to it a little bit.  I have 15 computers (not all of them are up) but 8 are in use all the time.  I’m not sure that’s like having 8 cats though.  Computers don’t need litter boxes.

Row Your Boat.

February 13, 2007

I had recorded this for my kids.  Then a post on Scottfree2b’s blog made me upload it and post a comment.  Then, I thought, why should he have all the fun?  He’ll probably think it’s spam!

We Are All Nodes.

February 11, 2007

When I write something here, it is duly indexed with all of the other material on the web. My ideas wait for someone who is looking for something, anything, concerning a particular topic. They happen upon what I’ve said on that topic and it may add value or it may not, but it is information created, stored, transmitted and received. I, in turn, take what I need from the web daily. To say that it’s expanded the way I think is an understatement. It’s changed the way my brain works. No longer to I need to retain trivia. Practically any fact I could ever need is at my fingertips.

In a sense, people have always been nodes of information. We’ve just never been so connected like this before. It seems to me that the distance between the nodes has been shrinking. From smoke signals to pony express to talking face to face, information has been moved from person to person with varying degrees of efficiency. Now, not only is information created, but it’s stored outside of a mind, outside of a book, outside of anything we’ve ever had before and perfectly organized on top of it.

This whole process even has different means of expression. There are blogs, and wikis and web pages. And let’s not forget cell phones, they spread information too. Everything is seemly instantly available. Except that it’s not.

That’s the next step: instantaneous communication of the nodes. It’s the creation of a brain within a brain. It’s a true collective unconscious in the form of a bio-mechanical linking of everyone’s minds. It might be your thought, but as soon as you think it, it’s my thought too, if I need it. If I have an observation or thought or I reach a conclusion that another person needs, it will be there. That’s the ultimate incarnation of the concept that information should be free. Not only will it be free, it will be compelled upon us. Like some sort of shared processing program like Seti-at-home, humans will start working, perhaps unconsciously together, at some greater goal.

Perhaps it will be to create a means to improve our lot or perhaps it will be to make another Dukes of Hazard movie, but whatever the result, we will all be closer than ever before.

Googlers: it’s only a matter of time before your workers’ paradise goes the way of Dilbert.

January 13, 2007

My dear Googlers, I hate to break it to you, but when it comes to salary and benefits, you’re probably overpaid. Enjoy your gourmet meals, your on site fitness centers and your flexible schedules while you can. This extravagance will soon be crushed by your shareholders. Every penny that’s spent on free lattes is a penny out of shareholders’ pockets. Soon it will be time to create more shareholder value.

There’s a reason that all offices have cubes. It’s an efficient way to store workers. Companies need workers but they need to do the absolute minimum necessary to retain those workers by way of compensation (sometimes this can be a lot). This is determined by what the market will bear.

It won’t happen overnight, but cubiclization is inevitable. First, they’ll go from gourmet food to lunch-lady-land style cafeteria food that no one wants. Then, after people stop using it, they’ll close it all together and put in cubicles. The same will happen to the workout areas. Google will outgrow the building necessitating the removal of the treadmills. Instead you will, once again, get more cubicles.

In one interview I saw, a Generation Y slacker said: “I come into work at 11 because I like to sleep in.” Frankly, most managers view this behavior as indicative of mental illness. That policy is doomed to go out the door as well. It will probably be replaced by 8:00 to 5:00 (with a half hour for lunch) for hourly employees and 7:30 to 9 for the salaried. You people will have to learn to work, not slack. Just because you may not have much stomach for personal inconvenience for the sake of work, doesn’t mean five people somewhere else in the world won’t do what you do for a tenth of your salary and with a lot more engagement. Economics hasn’t changed.

So will go your “twenty percent” time. It will be engulfed by the demands of the projects you’re working that actually have economic value. You know, working on something that makes money?

I’m not the only one who foresees this, Wired Magazine did a piece on this concept when Google did it’s IPO.

So enjoy your ping pong and pool tables. Enjoy your X-boxes and pets at work. Enjoy your free M&Ms. They are going to go the way of all things. Also, look on the bright side, when you lose the gourmet meals, you’ll lose all the weight you’ve gained. You’ll probably be able to keep your lava lamps. They don’t cost much. New ones will probably have to be bought refurbished however.

Gadgets and Super Powers.

January 1, 2007

It occurred to me the other day that my adolescent desire to be greater than my fellow men is why I like gadgets.  Call it a Batman complex.  Batman has no super powers.  He does have a utility belt and a whole lot of other stuff.  He is the consummate gadget guy.

Admittedly, no cell phone is going to make you a superman.  An iPod is not going to help you leap tall buildings anytime soon.  Having a really fast laptop is not going to make you invulnerable, even to viruses.

Yet the coolness persists.  Given my sedentary proclivities and the fact that I generally abhor the outdoors, life saving gadgets aren’t even really likely to help me much.  For example, I could take to wearing a Kevlar vest every day, but all that would accomplish is making me buy new clothes and probably making me sweat more.  I’m not Batman, after all.

I think GPS units are really cool, but if I have to drive anywhere further than 4 hours, I fly.  If I’m going somewhere I’ve never been, I take maps and I never veer off main highways.  Since 99% of the time I’m going to and from work or perhaps to a store, my need for a GPS is slight.

My Blackberry does give me the power to be away from my office and answer email and that’s important.  My iPod lets me listen to informative podcasts while I’m driving so that’s a plus in the advantage column.  My Nintendo DS lets me waste time while I’m not near a computer.  It’s certainly not an advantage, but it can be entertaining.

Someday, a gadget is going to come along that really does give a person an advantage in modern life.  I’ll be first in line for that one.  Of course after everyone gets one, it won’t be an advantage anymore, it will be a requirement.  Until then, there’s always something new to play with.